Tuesday, February 28, 2012

This one is for you OPRAH! you are an amazing woman, and you inspire me to accept, and use my experience for something great!

Okay, some may wonder where i get my passion for serving today's at-risk youth...it comes from my own desire to see them reach resilience, to allow them to feed off of my energy if that's what it takes.

You see, I was abused by two different people as a young child, then i was slipped a roofie and date raped by a guy (whom i thought i was good friends with) as a teenager.  The statistics show that once a person is a victim of sexual abuse, they are far more likely to be a victim many more times in their lives, than the avg. person....so i'm def agreeing with these statistics.

I am not writing this post to get people to feel sorry for me, but rather, show the girlies out there that we are strong, and we can AND will MARCH ON!

In fact, i am almost grateful (and def forgiving) of what happened to me.  I look at it as a blessing as i feel that GOD knew i was strong enough to make it through, and with the love and support from my family, i would be able to help sooooooooooo many girls out there who are going through similar situations. 

I never knew i had low self esteem (even though my bad choices should have been a wake up call)!  In fact, recently i told my mother this, and she was like, but Kelli, you were always sooo pretty...well (not to sound conceited, but i did know i was pretty), however, i still had low self-worth.  I chose to ignore the issue instead of facing it head on like a raging bull!  haha (which obv i have since done). 

Not that i am rationalizing or justifying my bad choices, but i do think that these issues had a ton to do with the bad choices i made thereafter in my life.  This is why i am sooooo dedicated to serving at risk youth, i dont see them as troublemakers, i view them as beauty waiting to be discovered.  I am dedicated to helping them understand everything i have come to know, and believe that through leading them on their journey of self reflection, and introspect, they will come to realize the beauty that lies inside of each and every one of them!  I dont see their behaviors as an "in the moment" choice or decision, but rather, a root problem that we have to dig deep to discover, all the way down to the core.  We must never take things as they appear, heck even the kid may not know or understand, but with TIME and CONNECTION, we can do it together!

Please guys, never ever judge, but rather seek to understand..... the VALUE AND THE RESULTS ARE PRICELESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If there are any of you out there who need some advice on how to help you or someone else to overcome these obstacles, feel free to msg me and i would be glad to serve you...

Also, dont ever accept that "everything is OK" cuz that is the image i portrayed and even thought, but it wasnt so...the earlier we realize this and get help, the better, hopefully it wont take them as long as me but hey, better late than never right, now i will use my experience IN HUGE WAYS!!!! and help everyone and anyone i can..so like i said DO NOT, and i repeat, DO NOT be afraid to msg me for ANYTHING at all, even if it is how to approach a loved one who is going through this, as this is what helps me to keep my mind on the right track!  Blessings, love, and light to you all!

Facts and Stats on date rape:

Did you know that one out of eight women will be raped while in college, and one out of four women will be sexually assaulted in the one place they should feel safest, on their college campuses?(1)   Date rape is the most common form of rape, in fact, fifty-seven percent of all rapes occur on a date.(1)  Date rape is a felony offense, and the main difference between rape, and date rape is that with date rape, the victim has agreed to spend time with her attacker.  Date rape is defined as unwanted sexual intercourse, anal sex, oral sex, or other sexual contact through use of force, threat of force, menace, or duress by someone the victim knows, either through chance acquaintance, or intimate relationship with the person, including marriage.(2)   The important thing to remember is that no matter the circumstances, or situation, if a person tells another person that they do not wish to be involved in sexual activity, NO means NO, and the other person should respect that.  Never is it okay to use coercion or force to become engaged in sexual activity.

            Drugs and/or alcohol play a huge role in date rape.  Approximately seventy-five percent of students who have experienced date rape say that they were under the influence of alcohol at the time of their assault.(3)  Alcohol, when consumed, can cause a person to lower their guard, distort their thinking, and possibly render them helpless.  The alcohol will cause the person to overlook important warning signals coming from the assailant that would normally put up a red flag, or let the person know that danger could be lurking making them less likely to flee, or avoid talking their way out of a bad situation.(4)

            There are certain drugs that are known specifically as “date rape drugs.”  The three main date rape drugs are GHB (gamma hydroxyhutyric acid), ketamine, and rohypnol.  These drugs are often colorless, odorless, and tasteless, and a lot of times even  undetectable and untraceable.  These drugs can be mixed into an unsuspecting victims drink, causing an unsuspecting victim to become physically helpless, unable to refuse sex, or even cause the victim to not remember the sexual encounter, and can be used to facilitate a sexual assault.(5)  These drugs, when ingested, are harmful, and can sometimes have lethal results, especially when the drugs are mixed with alcohol or other drugs, which is typically the case.

            GHB, a synthetic drug, is a clear, odorless, and tasteless liquid, that causes a euphoric and sedative feeling.  It is made illegally, by people on the streets, so you never know what is put into this drug, as it varies.  GHB causes weak and/or paralyzed muscles because it acts as a depressant on the central nervous system.  GHB can affect a person within fifteen minutes of being administered, and can last up to four hours.  Most people who administer the drug either lose consciousness, or completely black out, not recalling what happened while they were under the influence.  There are many effects of GHB, such as drowsiness, relaxation, nausea, dizziness, problems seeing, seizures, problems remembering, breathing problems, vomiting, sweating, tremors, loss of consciousness, slow heart rate, dream like feeling, coma, and even death.(6)  GHB has been implicated in over 5,700 recorded cases of overdose, and in over 57 known deaths.(7)  As you can tell from the effects that these drugs have on the body, it would not be hard for a perpetrator to take advantage of an unsuspecting victim who is under the influence of this drug.

            Another type of date rape drug is Ketamine, a dissociative general anesthetic that has hypnotic, stimulant, and hallucinogenic properties.  Ketamine is legally used by veterinarians to anesthetize animals for surgery.  It can come in a liquid or powder form, and can take effect within thirty minutes of being ingested by a person.  Often times, a person is aware of their surroundings, and what is happening; however, they are not able to move or respond.  Ketamine will cause a person to feel disattached from their own bodies, and surroundings, almost as if the person was experiencing an out of body experience.  In some circumstances, Ketamine can cause a one or two hour period of amnesia, and the person may never recall the events of this time period.  The effects this drug can have on a person could be very serious, such as distorted perceptions, hallucinations, disorientation, out of body experiences, impaired motor functions, breathing problems, convulsions, vomiting, numbness, aggressive/violent behavior, depression, high blood pressure, and in severe situations, respiratory failure.(5)       

            The most common of all date rape drugs is Rohypnol, also known as “roofies.”  Rohypnol is a potent sedative that depresses the functions of the respiratory, and nervous systems, and is found in the same drug category as Zanex, and Valium.  Rohypnol comes in a round pill, usually white, but newer versions of the drug could be green-gray in color, that are usually crushed into a powder form, then slipped into a person’s drink.  It can take effects on the body within thirty minutes after ingesting it, and can last for several hours.  A person under the influence of Rohypnol often looks and acts the same as a person who is under the influence of alcohol, and often has problems standing and talking, and in some circumstances, these individuals pass out completely.  Rohypnol can cause the following problems:  muscle relaxation or complete loss of muscle control, difficulty with motor movements, nausea, loss of memory, black out, confusion, problems seeing, dizziness, sleepiness, lower blood pressure, stomach problems, and sometimes death, especially when mixed with alcohol.(5) 

            Date rape can happen to anyone, anytime, and does not have to involve the perpetrator giving the victim drugs; however, drugs/alcohol makes it harder for a victim to think clearly, set limits or make good choices, or fight back when assaulted.  It also makes it harder for a person to say “no“ to a person who is demanding sex, or even harder for a person to realize that they are getting themselves into a dangerous situation.  It could happen on a blind date, or a first date or to a person who is in a relationship with the perpetrator, even marriage.  Meeting a stranger, who seems “nice” in a public place could lead to date rape, especially if they get you to an isolated area where there are no witnesses.

            Since it is the victims word against the rapist, sometimes it can be hard to get a conviction against the rapist when a date rape has occurred.  The victim is, in most circumstances, the only witness to the crime, so the burden lies on the victim to prove that the sexual encounter was not consenting.  The victim should be sure not to wash their hands, shower, brush their teeth, douche, or change clothes, as it increases the chances of getting rid of valuable evidence that can be used to prosecute the perpetrator.  The victim should leave the scene of the crime undisturbed, until the police have time to collect evidence, so that it can be used to help convict the perpetrator.  The victim should also try not to urinate, as the urine could be tested for possible date rape drugs.  The victim should call 911 immediately, and report the rape to officials then go to the hospital so that they can have a medical exam/rape test done to retrieve evidence and also have the incident recorded by doctors.  At the hospital, the victim will receive antibiotics that will help with any possible STD infections, and a morning after pill to help prevent unwanted pregnancies. 

            The victims will most likely suffer from severe physical, and emotional pain.  It is possible the victim could have cuts, abrasions, and/or bruises in the pelvic area, and on the rest of the body that may need immediate attention.  Emotional pain is the hardest thing for most victims to deal with, and overcome.  The victim will probably feel intense emotions such as shame, guilt, embarrassment, fear, and  anger; which could have both short term and/or long term effects.  Calling a rape crisis hotline can be a great way to help the victim cope with the overwhelming emotions that they are going through, as well as let them know that they are not alone.  It has been recorded that an average of thirty-one percent of rape victims will develop PTSD.(8)  The symptoms of PTSD related to rape could include:  flashbacks, nightmares, anxiety, nervousness, and fear.  As a result of rape, victims often acquire feelings of distrust (especially in men), they no longer enjoy sex, they withdrawal from society, and they often experience disruptions in schooling.  It would be a wise for the victim to join a support group, and seek therapy so that they are able to get past their experience, and begin the healing process.  If the case were to go to trial, a victim often suffers from humiliation from secondary victimization as their past, morals, actions, and dress are put on trial as if they deserved what happened to them; resulting in many victims to choose not to report the incident to authorities. 

            There is no one type of person that commits this type of crime, as date rape has no limits or boundaries.  There are; however, some characteristic traits that could act as warning signs that a person could become hostile or abusive such as aggressive behaviors, being overly demanding,  jealousness, appears dominant or seeks authority over people, or acting like they know you better than they actually do.  These aggressive individuals are also known to frequently belittle people (especially the opposite sex), dictate lifestyle and/or dress, become physically intimidating (such as blocking doorways or exits), gain pleasure by instilling fear in others, and they usually do not handle frustration well, especially being turned down for intimacy.

            There is no way to guarantee that a person can be safe from date rape, even if they are in a known place with known individual; however, there are some precautions that a person can take that will lower their chances of being assaulted.  Alcohol and drugs play a major role in date rape, as I mentioned earlier, so the first step would be to avoid consuming alcohol altogether; however, if a person is going to drink, they should never leave their drink unattended, only accept drinks from servers or bartenders, open drinks yourself, and a person should never drink out of punchbowls.  If a person feels drunk, while only consuming a small amount of alcohol, be sure to tell someone, and receive help as soon as possible.  It is wise for a person to use the buddy system, and if you go to a party/event as a group, then leave as a group.  Never should a person leave a public place with another person, especially one they do not know that well.  Avoid blind dates, or if you are on a first date, meet in a public place, and use public transportation or your own car.  When a person is on a date, or in a relationship, they should be clear about their standards and limits within a relationship, and what, if any, sexual conduct that they are comfortable with, and should avoid people who place any type of pressure upon them.  A person should always trust their gut feeling.  If a situation doesn’t feel right or makes you uneasy, get out of it immediately if possible.

            Date rape is a disturbing thing for a person to go through, and could have long term effects on a victim, making it hard for a victim to become stable, and return to their daily lives or routines.  Unfortunately many individuals will go date rape or some type of sexual pressure at some point in their lives.  The only thing a person can do is take proper precautions, and make themselves aware on the topic so that they can better avoid certain situations, or know how to seek help if it were to happen to them.  If it has happened to you, or does in the future, I would recommend seeking treatment from a trained professional, and always remember, NO MEANS NO!

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