“Think about it: there is no experience that you have had, that
you are not the absolutecenter of,” ("David foster
wallace,," 2008)
David Foster recites in his 2005 commencement address to graduates of Kenyan College. I believe that all too often, people only view
situations from their own perspectives,
not allowing themselves to view the situation from different angles or attempt to place
themselves in another’s shoes. People tend
to allow themselves to interpret events according
to their own thoughts, beliefs, and feelings, without giving much thought to how others are
interpreting the same situation. If
individuals were to collaborate on ideas or events, more
often, a compromised perspective could be achieved, and negotiations could be made. This would help others to learn to
communicate, understand, and compromise, rather than judging one
another or maintaining a self-serving bias attitude. People must learn to communicate their
thoughts, opinions, and beliefs; but also be willing to give the same thought and respect to the fact
that others may have their own views, much different from their own, on the same topics. We must learn to accept others unique
attributes, and learn to communicate our own individuality in a
peaceful and rational manor, in order for harmony in our relationships to be achieved.
After discussing the “pillow talk method,” (Adler, Proctor & II, 2010) in class last week, I was having trouble understanding the whole process. Only when was able to apply the method to real life experiences was I truly able to comprehend it. I work with at risk youth at Pressley Ridge, and on this particular day, I was working with a group of ten girls between the ages of 15 to 17. As the group was transitioning from lunch back to school, one of the girls walked away from the group. She refused to talk about her problem, or return to the group so that we could return to school. The group patiently waited, while I tried to talk to the youth about what was bothering her. The only thing this youth would say is: “They pretend to be my friend and then say that, knowing it would piss me off.” I attempted to process with the youth, trying to figure out what had happened that had made her so upset. I urged her to return to the group so that we could talk about what was bothering her, and resolve the issue, emphasizing that holding her problem in would only make matters worse. I explained to her why communication is the key to resolving her issue. After processing for a bit, she agreed to return to group, but stated that she did not wish to discuss her problem with the group. As the group gave the youth feedback, they encouraged her to confront her issue. She continued to hold her ground, refusing to talk about what was bothering her, but agreed to return to group so that they could move on to school. Once the group was settled into class, I gave the issue some thought, and decided that this would be a great time to educate the youth on “pillow talk.” I called her into the hallway, and described to her that I was learning a new concept in my communication class, called pillow talk. I then began to explain the concept of pillow talk to her. I sympathized with her and talked about the problem from her perspective, but also described how the other peers perspective may differ from hers. I then showed her a fresh perspective by describing in detail how they are both probably right and probably wrong on certain aspects of the situation. I then talked about the fact that she must care and trust this individual which is why she is feeling hurt. I also helped her look at the issue from the peers perspective by reminding her that the peer may also be hurting or have other things that are bothering her as well, and that it is important to look at the situation from many different perspectives in order to better understand the situation. I encouraged her to remember that she must care for this peer and asked her if the problem was worth the friendship. I urged her to communicate the problem with the peer so that she could get the other person’s perspective and decide how to communicate or resolve the issue. “You must not dance around the issue; you need to talk it over. Not only will you make peace in your relationship, you will also find peace within yourself because you will not be filling in the blank or jumping to conclusions about what your peer is thinking, you will instead understand.” She smiled, and thanked me, telling me that she will talk to her peer afterschool.
After discussing the “pillow talk method,” (Adler, Proctor & II, 2010) in class last week, I was having trouble understanding the whole process. Only when was able to apply the method to real life experiences was I truly able to comprehend it. I work with at risk youth at Pressley Ridge, and on this particular day, I was working with a group of ten girls between the ages of 15 to 17. As the group was transitioning from lunch back to school, one of the girls walked away from the group. She refused to talk about her problem, or return to the group so that we could return to school. The group patiently waited, while I tried to talk to the youth about what was bothering her. The only thing this youth would say is: “They pretend to be my friend and then say that, knowing it would piss me off.” I attempted to process with the youth, trying to figure out what had happened that had made her so upset. I urged her to return to the group so that we could talk about what was bothering her, and resolve the issue, emphasizing that holding her problem in would only make matters worse. I explained to her why communication is the key to resolving her issue. After processing for a bit, she agreed to return to group, but stated that she did not wish to discuss her problem with the group. As the group gave the youth feedback, they encouraged her to confront her issue. She continued to hold her ground, refusing to talk about what was bothering her, but agreed to return to group so that they could move on to school. Once the group was settled into class, I gave the issue some thought, and decided that this would be a great time to educate the youth on “pillow talk.” I called her into the hallway, and described to her that I was learning a new concept in my communication class, called pillow talk. I then began to explain the concept of pillow talk to her. I sympathized with her and talked about the problem from her perspective, but also described how the other peers perspective may differ from hers. I then showed her a fresh perspective by describing in detail how they are both probably right and probably wrong on certain aspects of the situation. I then talked about the fact that she must care and trust this individual which is why she is feeling hurt. I also helped her look at the issue from the peers perspective by reminding her that the peer may also be hurting or have other things that are bothering her as well, and that it is important to look at the situation from many different perspectives in order to better understand the situation. I encouraged her to remember that she must care for this peer and asked her if the problem was worth the friendship. I urged her to communicate the problem with the peer so that she could get the other person’s perspective and decide how to communicate or resolve the issue. “You must not dance around the issue; you need to talk it over. Not only will you make peace in your relationship, you will also find peace within yourself because you will not be filling in the blank or jumping to conclusions about what your peer is thinking, you will instead understand.” She smiled, and thanked me, telling me that she will talk to her peer afterschool.
Dealing
with this situation, and then thinking back on the issue, I felt good about
myself for being able to control my
thinking. Rather than becoming annoyed
that the girl was holding up group, or assuming that she was just
being defiant, I remained calm, and tried to view the issue from the youth’s perspective. After giving the issue thought, and seeing
things from different perspectives, I was able to
use what I had learned about pillow talk as a teaching opportunity to help this youth
understand the importance of seeing things from different perspectives. She went from a self-serving bias, thinking
she was the center of her universe, to realizing that she shared the space and
problem with another individual. By empathizing
with this girl, I was able to negotiate with
her so that she was able to sympathize with what the other individual may be going through;
therefore altering her attitude and self-serving bias.
When
David foster talked about the mind being an excellent servant but a terrible
master, this hit home with me, even as I am
writing this paper. We, as people, tend
to allow our thoughts to determine our behaviors without
giving our thoughts much thought. If we
allow our minds, to serve our thoughts, it can take us on
many different paths. As we sit back,
and contemplate each thought, allowing our minds to take us
on a journey of many different paths, perspectives, outlooks, and outcomes, only then will
we feel confident in our choices. By
allowing our thoughts to determine our behaviors, but
rather, our thoughts to determine more thoughts which in turn gives
us many choices in which we can weigh. By
thinking about thinking, one can realize that
there are more choices, alternatives, methods, reasoning, decisions, and
perspectives than they
could ever imagine. This opens up a
whole world of possibilities. No longer
is one locked in a
cave, nor do they see only black and white.
Suddenly they have the freedom to experience the
now, a world full of color and an endless ocean of possibilities.
In Fosters speech, he stated: “That is freedom. That is being educated and understanding how
to think. The alternative is
unconsciousness, the default setting, the rat race, the constant
gnawing sense of having had, and lost, some infinite thing.” ("David foster wallace,," 2008) What an intriguing
thought! Upon reading this, it made me
think about a note that I once wrote
on Facebook about what freedom was to me.
This is how I interpreted freedom: “Freedom, to me, is all about free will. Humanists described it best when they said that people
can choose to live more creative, meaningful, and satisfying lives. Freedom, to me, is connecting
rather than freeing. Freedom is connecting
with our selves, connecting with others, and connecting
with the world around us. Freedom is
about completing the circle which consists of self-esteem,
belonging, self-expression, creativity, and spirituality. Self-actualization is the most
important aspect in one gaining freedom.
Every person has wonderful and truly amazing and
unique qualities inside of them. It is
up to each person to take on the challenge of finding these
qualities, becoming the best version of themselves, and choose to make their
life into what they
wish for it to be. Usually, in life, the
right path for each of us is accompanied by difficult
decisions, and often paved with endless obstacles so one must be resilient,
determined, and have a
positive outlook towards the future in order to thrive., Many choose; however, to take the easy
route and give up or use their past as an excuse to continue making bad
decisions.
Freedom comes
from within; to think about your thoughts, not just act on them. I use hedonistic calculus, not
just in the criminal aspect, but weighing my options: if I do ___, then ___ could happen. Would this be worth it? I think that ultimately freedom to me is
trusting in yourself tomake good
decisions, not only for yourself, but for others, and trusting your character,
morals, and values to
lead you in the right direction.” In
the end, these are my thoughts, which lead to deeper
thoughts in which I perceive to be similar to Fosters ideas about the human
mind.
To me, the most passionate part of
the speech is when Foster states: “It’s
the automatic way that I
experience the boring, frustrating, crowded parts of adult life, when I’m
operating on the automatic,
unconscious belief that I am the center of the world, and that my immediate
needs and feelings
are what should determine the worlds priorities.” ("David foster wallace,,"
2008) I am
passionate about this statement because this is exactly what I hope to change
in the world. I wish to have
people connect; put themselves beside or below other’s needs. To make people understand
that others problems affect us in many ways, and that by connecting and understanding
others, we can work together to resolve many issues and conflicts that are
going on in the
world around us. We are not the center
of the universe, but rather the universe is our center. We must work outward, making us just one of the
many perspectives of the universe. I choose to see
LOVE as all that is good, healing, and healthy.
For me, the universe is a ball of energy, of
love, in which created all things that be.
The paths that I create from my universe is filled with
love which helps me to have faith and hope in my fellow man, helping me to see
light where there is
darkness, and allowing me to see the glass half full. This pushes me to understand,
rather than judge which in turn links me, with compassion, to my fellow man, making us all
equal parts in the whole of the universe that is fueled by love.
Now that all is said and done, I am
thinking about the process of writing this essay. I am coming to
realize that I have added my own perspective into much of what David Foster had
said. The parts of the speech that stuck out in my
mind, were the ones that pertained to me and my
experiences, so in all actuality, I was making myself the center of the
universe when writing this
paper. I have taken the information that
was useful to me and my experiences and chose to speak about
those. I have allowed my passion on certain
subjects, build this paper through my beliefs. Although my thoughts are to serve others and
find a way to make others choose to live in a peaceful
manor, I have used my narrative on life to negotiate how others will react or
think. I guess you could
say that in some way I am trying to control their thoughts. I have organized this paper in
a manor in a way in which I hope that others will adhere to my beliefs. Although my intentions
are good, I must also realize that others will have their own opinions and perceptions. I just hope that we can get together, to
negotiate and come up with a solution that best suits mankind
in any given situation so that there will be less wars, lies, conflict, deceit,
corruption,
hurting, selfishness, or hate. In order
to reach peace, we must first communicate with one another. By stating our intentions and perceptions,
hopefully we can find a way to compromise and
work together. I think that by making one
another the center of our worlds, there will be
more than enough love to go around, and peace can be accomplished.
References:
Adler, O. B., Proctor, U. F., & II,
(2010). Looking out, looking in. Wadsworth Pub Co.
David foster wallace,
in his own words. (2008, september 19). Retrieved from http://moreintelligentlife.com/story/david-foster-wallace-in-his-own-words
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