In the beginning of the semester, I knew that my communication competency was pretty good just for the simple fact that I could be in any environment and around all different types of people, and feel comfortable as well as communicate very well, no matter what the situation.  I believe that this talent came naturally to me for many reasons, such as being raised in a multicultural community, having self-confidence, and having a true interest, care, and compassion for the people that I encounter on a daily basis.  Even though at the beginning of the semester I considered my communication skills to be good, I have been able to improve, on many aspects, in the way that I communicate with others.

            I believe that an individual’s ability to communicate effectively begins with first being able to understand themselves, as an individual, in order to be able to recognize certain traits or characteristics that have been conditioned within us over time by our interactions, upbringing, and environments.  For a person to be able to realize and admit to areas that they can improve when communicating, they must first take a good long look inside.  Through introspection, and thinking about thinking, they can determine if they are allowing themselves to communicate, respond, and think in biased, overly opinionated, or judgmental ways which, in turn, would affect their ability to communicate with others in a positive, constructive, beneficial, and meaningful way.  By understanding how our self-esteem, self-concept, biological roots and social roots, culture, and gender affect our communication styles and identities, we are able to realize how we grow into our personality types, presenting selves, and different faces.  I feel as though the most effective communicators take the allotted time to truly look inside themselves and are able to bring all of their different identities and masks together, to create ONE true, honest, and natural presenting self that does not change no matter who they are with, in what environment, or what is expected.  I feel as though these communicators are confident, self-aware, honest, trustworthy, and content with their personality.  They are in touch with their self, their thoughts, their perceptions, their actions, and their ethics and morals, which in turn connects them with the world and universe around them.  I believe these individuals are self-actualized, aware, content, and happy which allows them to communicate readily, easily, and openly with all those whom they encounter.

            For an individual to be able to connect, with others, in the same manor that they have connected with themselves, I feel like every part of interpersonal communication education is extremely important.  Not only must they know how all of the different topics of interpersonal communication affect themselves, they must also recognize the fact that every individual is unique; therefore, how they handle, relate, or respond to all the different areas of interpersonal communication could be different from their own.  As a person goes through reflection and introspection on the topic of interpersonal communication, they are able to better understand every individual around them which results in understanding, rather than judging, those whom they encounter and allows them to see the interactions in different perspectives, rather than from a perspective that they are the center of the universe and therefore the most important part of the interaction.

            The areas/topics of interpersonal communication that I feel as though I was able to most benefit from were:  Emotions, feeling, thinking, and communicating (CH 4), Listening: more than meets the ear (CH 7), and Managing interpersonal conflicts (CH 11).  Like I stated above, I believe that chapter 2 (communication and identity: creating and presenting self) was the overall most important chapter because we must truly know ourselves before we can fully understand and identify with the other chapters.

             The chapter on emotions, feeling, thinking, and communicating was very helpful for me because I didn’t realize how these things can affect my abilities to communicate in such a significant way.  Emotions are a natural part of our life and every experience in it; however, rarely did I stop and think how often I was allowing my emotions to affect my interactions with others.  After studying this topic, I have become more aware and connected with my emotions.  Although I still have all the same emotions, I am better able to identify when I am feeling certain emotions, and better able to regulate how I deal with, or react to them.  I am able to focus on the emotion itself, after identifying it; therefore, I can connect them to my thoughts and behaviors which allow me to redirect my thoughts and change my behaviors.  When things are going well, and my emotions are positive, this can affect my communication with others in positive ways so that is not a problem; however, when I am feeling negative emotions, I can either avoid communicating until I have better feelings, or choose to redirect my thoughts so that I am able to experience more positive emotions.

            When it comes to the topic of listening, I feel as though my listening skills have improved dramatically.  Although I have always heard what people were saying to me, I cannot say that I had always practiced mindful listening.  Now I feel as though I give careful thought and attention to what others are saying and give them my utmost respect and concern.  Although I may not always agree with what the person is saying, I am able to realize that it is extremely important to them, and there is an importance to what they are saying.  Every thought, emotion, circumstance, concept, role, face, social role, personality, conditioning, and experience this person has went through throughout their life, has brought some sort of aspect to the message they are trying to communicate.  As you become more aware and understand chapter two (communication and identity), you can respect and understand both the message and the sender of the message more thoroughly; therefore, the communication competency and climate will be on a much greater level of intimacy and quality.  When you combine these two chapters, you realize that their views, thoughts, opinions, emotions, and message are just as important as what you communicate to them; therefore, what they have to say becomes extremely important and you want to truly understand, identify with, and comprehend the message as well as the possible hidden meanings behind it.  As you learn to mindful listen to each speaker or sender of a message, and fully comprehend the message, you will want to give your responses careful and thoughtful attention because you are able to realize how the relationship dynamics could change depending on your response (verbal and nonverbal) and depth, intimacy, and chances for bonding in a relationship could be damaged depending on how you respond to the message.  This shows us that the ability to listen, carefully and attentively, is just as important as how we choose to communicate.  You are able to understand and relate to others needs for expression as you can identify with your own need to communicate, be understood, and be heard, and recognize the fact that every other person has the same needs, and when they communicate it is for a reason that is equally just as important and meaningful to them as our own need for self-expression. 

            The part of my listening skills that I have improved most is my listening responses.  Knowing that prompting, questioning, supporting, analyzing, advising, and judging are important steps in being an effective listener has allowed me to improve my listening ability in a significant way.  At the beginning of class, I considered myself a good listener because I had many of the skills that I believed to make a person a good listener.  I always tried to give people my full attention, made eye contact, and used prompting to keep the conversation going; however, I was missing out on the other wonderful responses that could make my listening skills that much more effective.  I used to believe that giving someone my full attention when they were speaking was all it took to be a good listener.  Now I realize that there is much more to it than that.  I have realized that, as people (myself included), we tend to add our own perceptions, meanings, and value/s to statements that people communicate to us, personalizing them and somewhat making them our own.  Now I pay careful attention to truly understand what someone is saying without giving it my own meaning or filling in the blanks you could say.  Now that I pay attention, and use questioning, paraphrasing, I am better able to comprehend the message; therefore, I am better able to understand the message itself as well as reasoning behind the message because I respond in ways that bring out the senders perceptions, thoughts, feelings, and intentions behind the message.  These aspects are just as important as the message itself, and would not be known to me if I didn’t practice these listening responses and active listening skills.

            The next chapter that I found to be most beneficial was managing interpersonal conflict.  I found this chapter extremely significant for two reasons:  I deal with constant conflict in the work that I do, and I feel as though I have the personality and traits that are found in people who are effective in communicating as well as dealing with conflict, mediating, helping people overcome differences and work together, and I am unbiased.  The fact that I am good at these things and I am nonjudgmental, calm, caring, compassionate, and a positive thinker, I hope to someday use these skills and traits to bring people together, teach them to help one another, inspire them to embrace diversity, and resolve conflict and problems in the world so that we, as fellow humans, can become more accepting so that we can work together to bring about a world that is more unified and based on peace and compromise rather than conflict, aggression, competing, and war.  Now that I know the different conflict styles, it makes it much easier to identify a strategy to overcome these conflicts.  My role at work requires me to help mediate conflict within youth on a daily basis.  Now that I know different approaches to resolving conflict as well as understanding each person on a personal level, I am able to better understand which approaches they are able to understand, relate to, listen and respond to rather than avoid, and can gain something from.  Each of  their personalities, characteristics, thought patterns, how they deal with emotions and conflict, communication styles, how they handle relationship dynamics, self-esteem, listening skills, and prior experiences are all contributing factors in how they handle conflict and communicate.  It is up to me to build positive relationships with each individual youth, through good interpersonal communication skills, so that I know them to the best of my abilities and be able to help them through their problems. 

            It all starts with me.  I must first know and understand myself so that I am able to communicate in the best possible way.  As I build a relationship with each youth, I am able to communicate in ways that will allow me to know and understand them on an individual and unique level.  As I begin to know each youth, on an individual basis, I will feel confident to help them resolve conflict with each other because I can guide them through their conversations and discussions so that they are able to communicate in ways that express what they are feeling or thinking, but also paying careful attention to how they communicate so they do not offend or discourage the others from communicating.  I use statements that will grab their attention but also relate the conflict or experience to situations out in the real world rather than placement.  It is important that these youth realize that there is a reason and method to the madness, that will relate to important relationships in their future so that I can grab their attention and allow them to know that I am teaching these methods to them because it can be applied to real life situations in the outside world, such as arguing with parents or a boyfriend.  When they relate the conflict with their peers in the group, they don’t see as much of a need to establish and mend their relationships, but when you can help them to connect the situation to a prior experience or one they will surely be in during the future, usually they are able to listen more to what I am trying to teach.

            This class has been an incredible journey for me.  To learn the concepts and vocabulary while being able to apply and test them in the work environment has given me soooooooo much faith, inspiration, and hope for the world and our future to come.  To apply the skills, techniques, insights, and methods in my own life and work environment, and watching communication climates change, relationships become better, conflicts become resolved, people express and cope with their emotions in healthy ways, and get people to see and understand different views and perceptions of others has opened up my mind and heart to the benefits and successes that can come from taking this class.  It has had a huge impact on my life, my faith in mankind, and my overall outlook for the future of our generations.  One by one, we can learn and teach others about interpersonal communication and as we do, the world will become a better place, our lives will be enriched, relationships will grow with strength and commitment, family dynamics will become better, people will become more compassionate, empathetic, caring, and kind, our career environment and school environment will become more lively, and our overall social interactions with the people we encounter daily will be better, more meaningful, more significant, and more understood.

            In the beginning of the semester, you had asked me if I considered myself self-actualized.  I had read the definitions, did my research, and knew the meaning, and as much as I knew I had grown, I could not say for definite that “yes, I am self-actualized.”  I had a spiritual awakening this last weekend, and it is one that is hard to describe, yet I will try with the best of my abilities.  I will start by saying that with each paper I write for any of my classes, I have the opportunity to self-reflect, and although they are frustrating to write, they are truly original and I give them a tremendous amount of thought, effort, and time to create.  As I complete each paper, I am engulfed by brief periods of enthusiasm, enlightment, and extreme bouts of joy as I seem closer and closer to finding me.  All my life I have taken time to know and understand others, but I had never truly taken the time to know and understand myself.  This past weekend, while writing my philosophy paper, it was like everything came together and I was completely connected with myself.  I have never felt better in my life, suddenly I felt more awake than I have ever felt.  It was as if every part of me: my thoughts, opinions, feelings, emotions, moral and ethical views, past & future, body, mind, spirit, and soul became one.  Suddenly nothing in my life that I have ever stressed or cared about before really mattered.  My friends, my family, my career, school, future, material objects, or anything else in my life had as much significance.  They seemed like nothing compared to what I had gone through.  It didn’t cost money, it didn’t give me anything physical that I could touch, and it didn’t change anything in my life or the universe, but it changed me.  I found me, the real me, the true me, all my masks and faces I realize are one.  I am connected, in ways that cannot be described, to who I am.  My morals, values, opinions, thoughts, love, energy, knowledge, wisdom, experiences, hopes, and dreams were now one.  It was like I was centered and placed in the deep soul of my body and I understood, believe in, appreciate, love, care for, respect, and know all that is me.  No longer was I living for the future, or the past…suddenly I was so alive, so in the moment, so centered, so connected, and so proud of who I am.  I recognize my strengths, obstacles I have overcame, intelligence level, beauty, kindness, sincerity, honesty, and realized that I am exactly who I could wish or want for myself.  I also realize my weaknesses, my misfortunes, my mistakes, my imperfections, and my room for growth, but suddenly I was more content than I have ever been in my life.  I am proud to be, act, and think in the ways that I do, as well as stand by my beliefs, values, morals, and dreams.  I do not need any person to place rules, goals, or expectations in front of me because I have the confidence and self-assurance that I can stand by my actions and play by my own rules while knowing that I will not harm myself or others.  Suddenly I am free, no one guides my life.  Not the police, not the courts, not the president, not my parents, not my friends, not my boss, not my teachers, not god because I know that I have a better compass and internal guidance system with far greater expectations and hopes than any one of those people could ever place upon me.  Although I will continue to grow and recognize the need for growth within every aspect of my life, I have experienced a growth and gift within myself that no other accomplishment could ever achieve.  So, Ms. Clifford, if you were to ask me today if I considered myself self-actualized…I would have to respond to that answer with a definite yes!  It is by far, the accomplishment I am most proud of, especially when I spent so much time searching for the meaning of self-actualization, and trying to figure out how to self-actualize when the whole time it was right there, inside of me, screaming to get out.  I have talked about this with a few of my coworkers, and tried to explain it to them.  They reply “yes, I think it’s just getting older, or yes, I’ve found myself.”  When they reply in this way, I smile because I immediately know that they have not become self-actualized because if they did, I don’t think it is something that you can reply with a “sure, I’ve went through that” and be able to explain it in such few words, in a monotone voice because when it happened to me, I felt like running to the top of the mountain and screaming it in the loudest voice that I could find to let the world know J

CLASS EVALUATION

1.       The most important part of the class for me personally was the textbook and applying what I had learned to real life.  The papers that we had to write (essays) were the most meaningful because not only were we applying ourselves to what we were learning, we were also evaluating ourselves and somewhat grading ourselves in a way which allowed me the opportunity to realize and reflect on what I could improve, what I did well, and how my life, communication skills, and relationships were improving because of what I was learning.  By reading the book, discussing the chapters in class, the creative ideas you brought to the table to make it interesting, and writing the reflection papers, I was able to fully understand the content that we were learning because you took many different approaches to the topic and utilized many different learning and teaching styles which allowed those of us with different personality types to be able to comprehend the information.  It was very thorough, and even sometimes, it was like you were teaching us, but we were also teaching ourselves.

2.       The most important part of the class for me personally was the vocabulary and different styles to communication because I deal with so many diverse personality types, that it is extremely important that I have many different approaches.

3.      The assignment that was most meaningful to me personally was

a.       This paper, because I hadn’t realized how much I have grown, how much I have learned, and how much I have applied what I have learned to real life until this moment.

b.       The Jung personality assessment because it got me interested in truly knowing who I am, why I am who I am, and what styles and traits I utilize most.  It gave me a wonderful starting point for the rest of the class to go by.

c.       The David Foster Wallace speech paper because it was thought provoking and a challenge.  I very much enjoyed thinking about thinking, and I think that more individuals would benefit if they thought more about thinking, allowed themselves to dig deep into their own minds, and could possibly begin the journey to self-actualization if they committed to taking that paper to the extra mile instead of considering it an assignment that needed to be completed and did the bare minimum.

4.       I really liked the whole class but if I had to pick the least significant part of the class, then I would have to say the music list on emotions, or discussion on ways to dump or be dumped because, for me, there was so much great information in this class that we could have gone deeper and more detailed with, and I felt this took time away from things I would have rather discussed in further detail.

5.      Really Ms. Clifford, I feel like you did a great job when designing this class.  It was thought provoking, fun, exciting, you were able to grab my attention and keep it, extremely interesting, you mixed things up, we were allowed class discussion and engagement, you were thorough in answering questions and exploring topics that we were interested, you were open to suggestions, and you used many different styles of teaching.

For the first time ever, I did not miss a day of class.  Usually I at least miss one class in a semester, but no matter what, I knew that I wanted/needed to come to your class, and each time, even when feeling ill, I made it and was glad I did.  I hated that the class was only 1hr and a half because it seemed like the class was over just as quick as it began, and I could sit in your classes all day long!  I think you are a WONDERFUL, CARING, FUN, AND ENTHUSIASTIC teacher, and I couldn’t imagine you doing anything else.  In fact, even though I was interested in the subject, I don’t think I would have appreciated the class as much had it been taught by someone else.  You went the extra mile, always, and if you knew of a way to help me (even if it had nothing to do with the class but rather something I was interested in), I would get home and there would be all this great info and links in my email based on the topic we discussed.  You can tell that you love, and truly care for what you do…it shows, and to have a teacher who is willing to go far and beyond what is expected of them is a rare commodity.  So I must give a big fat

Thanks!  You are very much appreciated J

I hope that you will allow me to keep in contact with you, as I consider you a mentor and all around great person, and I hope to keep connected.